Conflict resolution

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Handling Conflict at Work

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Matthew 5:9 (TNIV)

  1. What are your feelings towards conflict at work?
  2. How do you handle dominant people?
  3. When does robust discussion become conflict in a team?
  4. Opposites attack! But so do two very similar people! Conflict can arise everywhere there is difference. Difference is not the same as wrong.

When You Are in a Conflict What Outcome Are You Looking For?

  1. Some peace?
  2. A resolution to the conflict! But what does that really mean?
  3. Always aim to WIN PEOPLE not issues.
  4. Yet very, very infrequently the issue is greater than personalities.

Tools for Resolving Conflict:

Resolving a conflict might seem obvious enough a goal but it is not always clear in what way we should resolve it. Here are a few tools people use.

  • Competing -- win!
  • Collaborating -- win/win. This is the hardest one to learn. Few observable role models?
  • Compromising -- middle ground
  • Avoiding -- delay
  • Accommodating -- yield

How to Resolve Conflicts

  1. Assume positive intent. (ignorance and mistakes rather than malice)
  2. Calm down. Get over the offence. Get it out of your system -- DON'T OBSESSIVELY FOCUS ON IT.
  3. If the issue is touching a sensitive personal area of your life, make a note of it and try to deal with it or make some time to work on it later. Try not to take issues from other conflicts into this conflict.
  4. Don't talk about it all around -- you could cause factions and make it worse.
  5. Who goes? You go.
    1. Go and talk between you -- face to face
    2. If that doesn't work then you might need a mediator or a higher authority to come in and aid you to resolve the problem.
  6. Passivity vs Assertiveness vs Aggression. You have needs and rights as does the other person. You need to seek to express your needs and rights in a way that respects the other person's rights and needs. You need to allow the other person express themselves likewise.
  7. Seek first to understand then to be understood. The two people arguing problem.
  8. Use I statements. "I feel____ (taking responsibility for one's own feelings) when you_____ (stating the behaviour that is a problem) because____ (what it is about the behaviour or its consequences that one objects to) I'd appreciate it if you would_____ (offering a preferred alternative to the behaviour)
  9. Avoiding Never and Always.
  10. After understanding the problem fully a solution may suggest itself. Synergistic solutions can often appear here! It is gratifying when you can turn antagonism into synergy. Two ladies and one orange problem.

Phrases That Are Hard to Say but Can Make a Huge Difference:

  1. I am sorry.
  2. I was wrong.
  3. Please forgive me.

How to Make Conflicts Much Much Worse...

  1. Gossip
  2. Backbite
  3. Create factions
  4. Seek Revenge
  5. Sabotage!

You may end up in a worse state!

Conflicts That You Can't Resolve (Despite Trying)

  1. Forgive.
  2. Limit involvement/trust.
  3. Part ways.
  4. In a year or so after the feelings have subsided, take some time to reflect on the situation to learn from it.

Useful Websites

YWAM Australia Conflict Resolution Modules

= Module CCM240.01 -- Biblical Leadership = Evidence Gathered: Date Competency Demonstrated Topic and Additional Comments:

Demonstrate Biblical Leadership

4.5 Employ biblical principles for dealing with problem situation in a small group/team setting
Outreach Journal
After Conflict Resolution talk? When do we do Problem Solving?
= Module CCM240.03 -- Discipleship/Mentoring and Pastoral Care = Evidence Gathered Date Competency Demonstrated Topic and Additional Comments

Utilise pastoral care skills to assist students and co-workers to increase personal development and problem solving

2.3 Identify, describe and demonstrate appropriate listening and questioning skills that can be used to assist students in problem solving
Notes/Group Work
Problem Solving, Active Listening and Conflict Resolution
2.4 Demonstrate active listening in a variety of situations
Problem Solving, Active Listening and Conflict Resolution
2.5 Identify personal strengths and weaknesses in relation to problem solving
Problem Solving, Active Listening and Conflict Resolution
2.6 Demonstrate the ability to pray for, encourage, actively listen to and exhort trainees to increase personal development
Ask Mark
Assessment Talk
Link personal Development between Assessment and Problem Solving talk
2.7 Document discussions and meetings with trainees
One on One Record Sheet

Discuss and apply the Matt 18:15-17 principles for conflict resolution between co-workers, leaders and students

5.1 Outline the principles of conflict resolution as highlighted in Matt 18:15-17
Conflict Resolution, Problem Solving and Active Listening
5.2 Apply the principles of conflict resolution to resolving conflict between self and others
Conflict Resolution, Problem Solving and Active Listening
5.3 Model and encourage principles of conflict resolution
Conflict Resolution, Problem Solving and Active Listening
5.4 Identify conflict situations and discuss in small groups appropriate methods of resolving the conflict
Conflict Resolution, Problem Solving and Active Listening
5.5 Apply conflict resolution approaches in a cross cultural setting
Outreach Observation
Conflict Resolution, Problem Solving and Active Listening
Proj Planning
5.6 Document discussions and processes involved in resolving conflicts
Outreach Journal
Conflict Resolution, Problem Solving and Active Listening
Proj Planning